I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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