I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
