I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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