fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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