he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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