I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
