If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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