Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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