Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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