that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
