Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
