I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
