Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
