WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
