Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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