My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
