I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
