i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
