she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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