New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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