tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize