just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
