she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
