You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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