Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
