my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
