On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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