You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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