Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
