i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
