I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
