She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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