smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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