Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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