I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
