Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
