i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
