you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you had me at cake vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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