I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
