I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
