I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
