I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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