Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
