At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize