he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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