I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
