Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
