He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
