I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
