If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
