I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
