I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
