"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wat bout pragnant strippers??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
