Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
