Dual....:-)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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