After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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