how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
