My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
