Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
