"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
