girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
