her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
