sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
