she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
