what day is it and did you see me today?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
