...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
