I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
